When an ex knocks on the door, people ask themselves: “Did I make a mistake the first time?” You might have the same doubt now.
After all, you had a bit of chemistry with that person. Maybe some happy memories too.
At that moment, you don’t reminisce much of the bad stuff. Therefore, the doubt keeps growing and growing.
- 1 Does Getting Back with an Ex Ever Work?
- 2 My ex and I should stay separated?
- 3 How Often Does Getting Back with an Ex Work?
- 4 Stages of Getting Back Together with an Ex
Does Getting Back with an Ex Ever Work?
I’ll start answering your question. Yes, some couples have managed to fix their broken relationship.
However, those couples could’ve been in a totally different situation than yours. You should know that numerous psychological factors play a role in the success of these people coming back with their exes.
Break-up reasons and willingness to change
Depending on what caused the relationship to fail, it could be more or less probable to reconcile. Plus, the two parties must be willing to either change or accept.
Change the behaviors that got your partner upset, or accept that you’ll live with certain habits if you reunite with your ex.
For instance, if cheating caused the break-up, it is better to remain apart. The person who was cheated on will never develop — and should not — the necessary trust in the partner.
My personal advice is: Never go back with an ex who cheated on you.
On the other hand, some couples part ways because of a lack of communication. After months, these couples gain maturity and could make the relationship work.
Leaving a partner for an ex often leads to the “success” of the reconciliation. I’ll explain to you why the quotes are.
Humans have the psychological need to appear coherent to the world. When people decide to go back with their ex, they make everything possible to make it look as they took the right decision.
That includes tolerating things and behaviors they didn’t like previously. So it’s not exactly like they were meant to be.
They just don’t want to give the previous partner the satisfaction of seeing them alone.
My ex and I should stay separated?
As I said before, it’s easy to be confused about the happy memories with your ex. If you are thinking of going back with your ex-partner, you should first write a list of the bad stuff.
In addition, take note of these 5 signs that your break-up should be definitive.
- Your friends were happy when the relationship ended. Although your relationship is nobody’s business, friends can see things we don’t because love clouds our judgment.
- Feelings for your ex come and go. If one day hurts but the next day you feel relieved it ended, probably you just don’t want to be single.
- You met someone new. If you are getting along with a new partner, maybe you and your ex weren’t the most compatible.
- You want to reconcile to make others happy. Getting back with an ex because it’s a person your family approves should not be your primary reason to try again.
- You are friends with your ex. Love and hate are somewhat similar, so if you two are still good friends, maybe one of you doesn’t love the other as much.
How Often Does Getting Back with an Ex Work?
According to studies, less than 20 percent of ex-couples get back together — and stay together. Meanwhile, a similar percentage — around 15 percent — reconcile with their ex, but the relationship fails for the second time.
When it comes to previous partners, it’s better to leave them in the past, as you can see.
First, the odds are against it. Plus, even those who reconciled successfully could’ve married someone else and lived a happy life together.
Additionally, there are reasons for both men and women to move on from their exes.
For one, break-ups affect people’s mental health, even if it’s just a bit. Getting back with an ex can make you live several months more of trauma.
Also, failure is an inherent part of learning. If your relationship ended, use it as a growing experience.
Meanwhile, getting your ex back could mean a step in the wrong direction — not always, of course.
Stages of Getting Back Together with an Ex
If things go well enough time with your ex, you will experience these five stages of reconciliation.
Uncertainty reigns right before and right after getting back with an ex. You wish you could see the future to learn if you are making the right decision.
Realize that not all depends on fate. If the other person is worth the try, and both act as grown-ups, you two will likely succeed.
2. Anxiety of the future
Once an ex-couple reconciles, their first days together become a little stressful. They fear what people might say and if they’ll end hating each other.
The solution is to remember that you can only change the present. The couple is better off working on being a good partner because it isn’t worth it to worry about something that hasn’t occurred yet.
When you start a relationship, you discover a new side from that person. However, in this opportunity, you feel familiar with some of the things the other person says or does.
There is nothing wrong with already being familiar with your ex. Maybe remembering what you went through brings you closer together.
Besides, it’s an opportunity to improve on your previous mistakes.
4. Cautious happiness
This stage occurs when the reunited couple is happy about how things are going. Still, they fear being too content as things could collapse anytime as they did before.
If the relationship is making you two smile again, there’s no need to overthink. Enjoy the good days as some will be harder than others.
Worrying about the fine start of the new relationship actually is something good. It means that person cares about the other and wants the relationship to survive over time.
5. Knowing the person you missed the first time
Finally, a break-up changes the way people think and act — most times.
So when you start dating again and recognize familiarities in your partner, you also discover characters you didn’t notice the first time.
When this happens, you can be content because the relationship is on the right track.
Additionally, it is a sign for you to show the other person you can be better than the last time you were together.
Check out how to stop focusing on the negative in a relationship if you wish to improve a bit more on your relationship knowledge.
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